The Holidays are over... Finally.

Well, the holidays are over but not before some wingnut in a Santa Suit went on a shooting spree at his Ex-In laws house. Talk about naughty, not nice. He was recently divorced in a bitter case. Ladies, this is your wake-up call. Want to divorce him? Go ahead but keep it civil otherwise he'll come kill you at Christmas time dressed as Santa. Of course he had four handguns on him so we're going to have to hear a bunch of gun control blabber about how they need to be banned. I personally own five handguns and they've never shot anyone. What needs to be banned are bitter ex-wives. I'm fortunate enough to have one of those two. She's not worth the effort this guy put into it though with the homemade flamethrower and what not. That makes me wonder if she's really as bad as I think she is. I mean I've never even considered building a flamethrower, dressing as Santa and visiting during her Mother's Christmas Party. That woman must have made Charles Manson an Altar Boy. Either that or I'm just not motivated.

But, rather than go off on Gun Control or Ex-Wives I thought I'd go through this blog from a former co-worker of mine. He's a really good guy but he's got liberal on the brain much like Limbaugh has conservative on the brain. In a September 08 entry entitled "If Republicans were honest." He put together what he thought would be a 2008 version of the "Contract with America" I'm not really sure how to approach this mindless drivel especially from an otherwise intelligent person.

To be constructive I think I'll offer "Kuhn's Response to Dylan's Contract with America" which will answer his line for line. I'm not giving it to the Republican or Democratic party, I'm keeping it for myself and they can use it royalty free as long as they preface any mention of it with "Kuhn, that beautiful motherfucker." So, here it is:

I, Warren Kuhn, do hereby Respond to Dylan's 2008 Contract with America:

1. If you have reasonable consideration as defined by the Patriot Act or whatever succeeds it, you may listen to my phone calls, read my emails, peek through my windows and check my dirty undies without my knowledge. I'm not doing anything illegal anyway so who gives a shit if you look at my information? Hell, my ex-wife did as much.
2. I'm going to refrain on the second item until I see some proof. I don't want to see Guantanamo as "proof" either. If you show me a white protestant 8 year old girl being tortured in Guantanmo then I'll allow it, otherwise "just look suspicious" is too vague.
3. You may not tax me at all regardless of whether I make $250 or $250,000.00 a year. That's an asinine statement to say that anyone only taxes people making over $250k a year! Dyl baby.... put the pipe down man.
4. This really ought to be a continuation of 3. "Services" I guess you mean socialized services like welfare and free healthcare. Wait, we already pay tax dollars for Welfare and I think we're also paying for the great commonwealth of Massachusetts to continue their unaffordable free healthcare program. All of the Tax revenue doesn't go to the military and the way you mention military seems a bit derogative. Those in the military are much like your beloved welfare recipients. They don't make a lot of money and some probably came from Welfare families. They typically have families of their own and mouths to feed. Many of them only have the most basic education. They distinguish themselves by not only WORKING but serving their country, putting themselves in harms way and quite often bettering themselves in the process by having those "military" tax dollars pay to further their education and increase their pay. Don't make a global statement like that without considering what you are saying.
5. Nobody is taking out loans in the names of your children or grandchildren. Federal Deficits are not built exclusively by any party. Wise up, the problem goes beyond W. Let's see how O approaches the problem. Good luck to him.
6. To say that the founding fathers were Christian Protestants should go without saying. You are free to worship whoever you want. You can worship no one if you like. It didn't bother you that Clinton went to Church so why does it bother you that W does? What law specifically passed on religion that pissed you off here? For me, I think it was the removal of the 10 Commandments from the Alabama Courthouse. I'm not religious despite being ordained. I've broken more than one of those commandments. I find them to be a good guide for living a decent life though.
7. Whoa, no one started a War in the name of Dylan. You keep hitting that pipe and it's going to fry your brain. If you think it's about Oil you are short sighted. If it were about Oil, Cheney and Ted Nugent would have cleaned out the Alaskan Caribou population so we could drill the North Slope without those irritating greenies complaining.
8. Nobody is keeping you or your wife from making private decisions about your body or your wife. The day the Federal Government bans abortion is about as likely to happen as us having a Black President. Obama doesn't count. He's half white and we don't need to go down that path. If you want to kill yourself but the feds won't allow you to, swing by the local gun store. It'll be a lot cheaper than assisted suicide and it's got that air of uncertainty about it that adds excitement.
9. See 8. I did a two for one Drivel compress.
10. The menace of health insurance that is affordable and provides equal access? What the hell does that mean? I have Health Insurance and it's affordable. Everyone in my company has access to the same plan that seems pretty equal. There are plenty of Free Clinics around also. I hear about Grady on a monthly basis at least. Hmm... Congress has an excellent health care plan. Better than Average. You should go ask them about this one.
11. If thinking about two men or (better) two women getting married is going to protect your marriage then you must be on a rocky slope. At it's core "Gay Marriage" desires government recognition that they are married. It's an attempt to get benefits from the government that are typically reserved for "married" couples. Marriage ought to be about love and the government has no more of a part in that than the church. If two gay women want to spend the rest of their lives together that's beautiful (especially if they are both hot). Who gets the Social Security though seems to minimize the love.
12. Lock you up indefinitely because the president says you are a bad person? You've attained the rank of "Marion Barry" for your crack smoking habit. First: Bush didn't go over to Afghanistan and Iraq, line the locals up and go "Good, Good, Good, Bad, Good, Bad" then send the bads to Gitmo. They went there for a reason. They are getting trials with Judges which is a hell of a lot more than they deserve. For your next research please look at those we've released from Gitmo and what they've done. Get back to me on them.
13. Jesus (the hispanic not the Deity). I think we've found the New World Order or the Priory of Scion or the He-Man Women Haters Club or something.
14. What are the important parts of the Constitution and what are the non-important ones? I'd like to know so I can prioritize my actions as well.
15. I'm assuming this statement is based on the Chris Mooney book. Stem Cell Research, Climate Change, Abstinence. I believe in all three for the record but I'm a realist on the third that teen-age boys ain't gonna keep it in their pants. I'm surprised how many teen-age girls are putting out these days though. Either way I think you still have a bogus position if you think republicans are the only ones guilty of politicizing an issue.
16. Our Government was broken pretty much immediately after it was created. Don't blame the Republicans.
17. Hey, if you want to pay for your pollution send the check to me made out to the Warren Kuhn Foundation for the Polluted. We tend to get Polluted on a regular basis over here and need the money. If you are talking Kyoto Protocol then look who was president when it stalled and look at why. Good reasons. Bush wouldn't submit because it exempted China. If we aren't all in it together what's the point?
18. Apparently your wife has put the parental controls on your browser or you wouldn't have made such a ridiculous statement. I can find all the filth I need instantly. If you are looking for something in particular, let me know and I'll see what I can do. Nevermind, I have a buddy at NSA who reads your email. I can see the cat and the cue-stick but what the hell are the half pound of radishes for?
19. Do you really think your "Right to Profit" is guaranteed given the current state of the economy? Do you think Republicans are still profiting madly right now? And what the hell is "Fairness"? Is that when all nations ensure their factories abide by the same set of environmental standards?
20. You are free to Burn the Flag. People have been doing it for quite some time. If you get your ass kicked in the process by someone who takes pride in the flag well, that sometimes goes with the territory. Move to San Francisco, you'll be safer there.

Seriously, I know you aren't Repiblican but I'm not sure whether you are Libertarian, Democratic, Socialist or just plain High. If you've ever said "That's fucked up why do the chickens have human arms?" then I'll know you are at least High. That would explain some of the comments.

If the Shoe Fits...

An AP photo showing the future starting Quarterback of the Mecca Jihadi's

So an Iraqi "Journalist" hurls a shoe at visiting head of state and the entire middle-east gets up in arms because he was arrested and possibly beaten. How could any clown get upset over his arrest? Did Muntadhar al-Zeidi actually think he wouldn't be arrested? Did he think that he could toss a couple of shoes then ask a Follow-Up question?

No doubt many muslims hate Bush. He helped send the troops that killed a lot of them. After 9-11 that is. He'll be leaving soon and Obama will replace him. Is he deserving of a shoe merely because he's American? If I were to go Wing a Size 11 Cole Haan at Muqtada al-Sadr would the Muslims get outraged when I was arrested? Would I even make it to be arrested? Doubtful. I'd be killed before the Dr. Scholl's hit the floor.

I've dodged bullets, rockets, and grenades but I think that Cole Haan is going to get me.

This fool is allowed to have his own Army (AND use it!) and people get upset when a Journalist commits a felonious footwear assault with intent to do bodily harm.

So what you are dealing with is a bunch of people and who have a double standard. It's not unexpected in this region. If you aren't Muslim you really aren't Human. What the hell kind of thinking is that? There is a faction of muslims with zero tolerance in the Middle East and anyone who tries to bring some sanity into the picture is reviled and either run off or, more likely, killed.

Radical Muslims need to die. That's right I said it and Salman Rushdie just leased his hideout to me. If you can't tolerate a Christian living next to you or a Jewish person walking down the street in Mecca then you need a bullet in your head. Those who are working for tolerance and understanding in the middle east need to walk up to you raise a pistol and paint the closest wall Brain Grey.

The same goes for the Israeli's in Palestine. Drop the wall, give the Palestinians their land back. Apologize to the citizens you built homes for and explain that you built it on land that wasn't yours. Cut the shit out. I'm tired of hearing about how a poor Israeli soldier was killed by a Homicide Bomber from Hamas who Martryed himself. DO you know why he Martyred himself? Because you took his ancestral land, relocated or killed dear members of his family, and built a wall to take any dignity or humanity left in Palestine. You're getting what you deserve. When they're finished killing radical muslims I hope they come hunt you.

Everyone shouting "la-la-la-la" in the streets needs to proceed to time-out. Check your AK-47's at the door, don't come out until you've learned your lesson. Israeli's, you do the same. Lose the Uzi's too. You'll be in the same room. If you kill each other before learning your lesson, fine. The world would be better off without you anyway.

Wow, What a day!

My first day as a blogger is coming to a close. As expected, I feel the same. Accomplishments for the day:

I learned that "mind" is ebonics for "mine". I guess it's really ebonics for "mines" which is ebonics for "mine". It's a little confusing I need to axe someone who is an authority on it.

My favorite lunch restaurant for Fried Shrimp closed without notice. The bone heads directed me to their other two restaurants which are three freeways and a tank of gas away. I guess I shouldn't have stolen all of their cups.

My desired substitute restaurant across the street from the newly closed one doesn't open until 4:00 in the evening. That doesn't work for lunch. How the hell can you have a restaurant open for Dinner only? I thought restaurants were the hardest business to succeed in and then these clowns are going to make it by serving only one meal a day?

I ended up at the IHOP and the waitress had a full set of teeth and none of them pointed in the same direction. I expect that from a Waffle House, not from an IHOP.

I received a Calendar from an IT company today. It was pure Cheese. I sent a response back to my sales lady (and I use that term loosely) who in turn distributed throughout the company. It's been fairly well received and I'm waiting for movie offers to come in.

This is some good shit (seriously)

Apparently in Peru (See title link) the authorities made a recent Cocaine bust where three tons of cocaine mixed in with Bat Guano was seized in Lima.

Evidently we're either winning the war on drugs or bat shit is the new Shroom. I guess it's better than cutting it with Fiberglass but seriously who the hell want's to do a line of bat turd?

The shipment was destined for Spain and is assumed to be an Incan assault on the Conquistadors 500 years in the making. Don't mess with the Incan's they have a long memory.