Letter to Buddha

Dear Buddha,

Kuhn here. Hope the diet is going well. I’m sure you are tired of people rubbing your belly. I know you preach that Nirvana can only be reached when you cease to want. I try my fat friend, I really try. Unfortunately, I have run into a hurdle that I am afraid I cannot overcome.

You see, we’ve been working on this cutover for about two years and are wrapping up the first month of “post-cut Cleanup”. There are a lot of issues and a lot of things to keep track of. Lots to do. We’ll get it knocked out, it just takes time. “So what is the want?” you ask. Well, I’ll tell you. As I sat here this morning, virtual waterfall in my head, I start working 4 separate issues. People coming in and out asking for shitand generally making me fucking irritated. What pushed me over the edge though and caused me to seek your guidance was the mother fucking Payroll lady coming by asking for my time-sheet.

God dammit (no offense) I’m fucking salary. You can’t ding me for shit anyway lady so what the fuck good is it? I could get up right now and walk out the door and you would *STILL* have to pay me for the full 8 hours. “Get to the point tourettes.” You say? Here’s my want. There are actually Several to choose from I just need one though:

• Make my life as simple as this simple person’s. I won’t nag and nag about a useless piece of paper like she does. I’ll just hang out doing the simple things. Perhaps I’ll take up fishing or building my own rock garden. Who knows.
• Kill this fucking lady. Apparently you cannot explain to her the irrelevance of time sheets for Salaried people. Throw a fucking lightning bolt at her, perhaps a flood takes her away on the drive home, an Earthquake would do the job nicely too. Dead Flaming Fish falling from the sky would really make me happy.
• Make her life so fucking complex that she takes her own life. Give her half of what I am working on and it should be sufficient. If possible keep the flaming fish though. I think it would be cool.

I await your guidance and delivery most rotund One. Like Steve Perry from Journey I remain,

Faithfully,

G. Warren Kuhn.